This is goodbye
by my name is earl
Summary: the letter that says the final words of a girl unable to cope. please read and review


To the man and woman who conceived a child in exchange for a 'night of fun', leaving the result as me.

To all of my victims, who I tormented for no real reason, who will no doubt be better off upon my passing as there will be no-one tormenting them.

To my fellow students, who never gave me a chance, didn't get to know e, only saw me as the tough, rude Puckett girl.

To the teachers who always expected the worst of me, and again never gave me a chance to prove myself.

To the one true friend, whose support and caring was the one thing, the one thing, which had prevented this happening earlier.

To god, if he does exist, who chose to play a game with my life and make a mockery of it?

To all of those I know, knew and may have met. Good bye.

I have decided to take charge of my own destiny and leave a world a world of which I never truly belong or fit in.

I ask my so called 'mother'; do not mourn my passing or weep for me. I say this because I am not expecting to be missed by you, but I will allow you the chance to start fresh, and walk away with dry eyes and a clean conscience know you 'mom', I know you don't want to weep for me, so do not put on a show.

But I am asking you as your child to listen o the final words of a girl whose finally taken enough, whose cup has finally over flown, and who's been lost for so long.

Perhaps my passing may make you feel something inside that may cause a tear or two to fall from you cheeks. You may pretend it is sorrow for your 'loss'.

Perhaps sorrow for selfishly bringing child into this world, with no desire or time to raise her.

I wasn't the product of love; I was merely the product of alcohol mixed with horny desperate adults.

I lived my life as a task to them, just another project that showed any significance to them.

No child should be brought into a world for the purpose of just being another posesion. No child should be an asset to their parent, like a car, and tax forms, like the so called 'home' I lived in

A home that houses my mother, and her endless string of violet boyfriends, and endless bottles of whiskey, and me.

I am a human being mom. I need food, love, and somewhere to go when your boyfriends lash out, just as much as I need air to breathe. I am sorry it took you that long to realize it. If you still don't get it, then I am even sorrier.

What about my teachers? They won't be sorry for me. They will be sorry that I will become another statistic that will not reflect well on them as an institution.

I am sorry that my contribution to the statistics will affect the school. I do not want to here false sympathy's of teachers, I now you will be relieved that another delinquent trouble maker will be out of your life. Another problem gone away.

I am just a student to you, just a student whom you never gave a chance to.

To my fellow students, particularly the ones I victimised, I know better than to expect you to mourn.

I will apologize from the bottom of my heart to my victims. Hopefully I have left soon enough not to leave to bigger scar on your lives, both mentally and physically.

To one of the few boyfriends I had, who shattered what little self esteem I had. Who used me to get to my friend? Who couldn't see the side of me I would like him to see.

What was the purpose of us ever dating? You never cared for me, or liked me. You never thought that tough Puckett would have a heart to crush. I do .Once again I was never given a chance, and never understood.

To Freddie and Spencer.

I know you will not mourn for me.

I tormented Freddie for know real reason. Freddie you are a nice kid, unlike me you have a future a head of you .We shared our first kiss together. My first and only kiss.

I am glad I shared it with you.

You came to help me, when I never thought you would, you put up with my insults when you never should have; you pro longed this, if only slightly, you still pro longed this.

Thank you for all you have done.

Spencer, I was rude arrogant and obnoxious to you. I stole your food and spent your money. I intruded into your life, and not once did I apologize when I ruined your things. Your sculptures you spent so long working on, your furniture etc....I ruined it all and never apologized.

I am truly sorry.

You made me laugh at times most inappropriate, and at things I never thought could be funny. I am still puzzled by your ability to make any item set on fire.

I hope that life goes well for you. Without me to hold you back, it will.

I can only think of one person in this world who would truly be sad for me, Carly.

You helped me when I needed it, and even when I didn't.

You tended to my cuts and bruises I received at home.

You clothed me and fed me.

You made sure I got through school.

You saw the side of me that I wished more had.

You had talked me out of this twice before, and called 911 when you found out I took my mother's pills. This is why I never told you this time, and why I am here, alone.

Where ever I go, be it heaven, hell or somewhere in the between, I will carry your face in my memories. Your soul will be the one I will miss most.

You are the only person I seek forgiveness from.

I love you and always will.

As my final moments catch up to me, I wonder what an impact these words will have.

I wonder how long I will hang here in my room before my mother notices I'm missing.

I doubt she will notice until she wants more money for more booze. That is if she is not already drunk.

Will anyone listen?

Will anyone take notice of the next person like me?

Will someone give that next person the chance I was never give?

Will they see them for who they are?

Will they go and talk to them, and boost their self—esteem, even if it is to convince themselves they are not a bad person?

Will a change happen?

My heart goes out to all those out there like me. To those who have a house but no real home. To those who are treated like a punching bag on a daily basis. No one understands you. No one asks how your day is going.

I can't do anything for them, but surely someone hearing/reading this can. Save a life.

If my death makes one more life a little more bearable, if it enlightens people into the goings on inside people's homes, if it helps people help those like me....do I really die in vein?

Some people say death is a punishment, some say it is a gift.

I would now like to accept the one good gift I have received from god.

-Samantha Jane Puckett


End file.
